There are a lot of ways to build confidence with your journal. You could rewrite positive affirmations every day, follow a habit tracker, or make a beautiful vision board. No shade towards any of these methods (they do work for a lot of people), but I know that list made some of you roll your eyes.
If you were one of those eye-rollers, this post is for you. Because, at the end of the day, there is one thing blocking so many of us from real confidence. Trust. Self-trust is a key part of confidence. Write Your Wellness has covered some self-trust journaling exercises before, but now it’s time for a deep dive.
**But first, a quick disclaimer. This blog is not therapy and it cannot diagnose anything. What it CAN do is inspire you to change your perspective. Notice I said inspire. Actual change is hard work. Many people find that working through these things with a professional is much better than journaling through it alone. The call is yours, but I digress.**
Signs You May Not Fully Trust Yourself
It sounds a little silly. Most of us growing up hear that “you can only trust yourself”. Everyone sorta just assumes that self-trust is a given. The bad news is, this is a total myth. The good news is that a lot of people need to relearn how to trust themselves. You are not alone.
Think of it this way. We all know that low self-esteem is a thing. So are self-criticism, self-consciousness, and self-hate. Would you trust someone who is constantly criticizing and hating on everything you do? Exactly. You have to nourish your relationship with yourself.
Signs of Distrusting Yourself
· You regularly assume you’ve done something wrong even if you have no clue why
· It feels terrifying to be in charge because you think someone else would do it better
· You sometimes think you need to get your feelings in line by being super critical of them
· There are things you won’t keep in the house because it is “too tempting” (ie alcohol, food, hobbies)
· You’ve Googled “Am I a narcissist?” and “No, really, am I the worst most selfish person?”
· The idea that people could be 100% open with their feelings sounds fake
· You often catch yourself saying “I’m used to this bad treatment” or “this pain isn’t that bad”
Notice how most of these points sound like people pleasing? Low self-trust encourages people pleasing and vice versa. When you don’t trust yourself, why wouldn’t you look to other people for direction?
Before you go off and start beating yourself up for not trusting enough – take a step back. The issue comes from treating yourself poorly. Insults and threats won’t help. You need to become someone worthy of your trust. Only then can you start to build confidence.
Journaling Mistakes That Break Self-Trust
All journal prompts are not created equal. So many of us fall into writing traps that keep us self-conscious and upset. When you are ready, take a look at these common journaling mistakes to see if there is anything you want to change about your journaling style.
Positivity Policing
The first mistake people often make in their journals is to censor any negativity. If you find yourself avoiding a topic in your journal because it is too mean, you might be positivity policing. How can you expect to build confidence when you won’t speak your whole truth in a private journal?
Of course, things are different if you have privacy and/ or safety concerns. But for most journalers? No honesty = no self-trust. You might think that toxic positivity covers up your icky feelings. But the body knows what’s under there. You can’t trick yourself into thinking things are okay.
Do yourself a huge favor and write the ugly thing. Prove to yourself that your emotions are not a burden by making space for them. You’ll be surprised at how good it feels. Besides, you can always destroy your journal later.
Being ‘All Talk, No Action’
A journal is a great space to plan for the future. It can hold every hope and dream. Actually, that’s kind of the problem. When you make all of these promises in your journal and then never, ever follow through – your BS detector will start going off.
Like, “Yeah sure we’re gonna start a yoga routine on Monday. You said that last week too.”
When other people repeatedly break promises, you stop trusting them. You are not an exception to that rule! In order to build confidence, you need to build consistency.
There are two ways to do this. First, limit the amount of promises you make. Give yourself the gift of reasonable expectations. Second, do what you need to do to follow through. Sometimes that will mean saying “no” to people. Other times that will mean saying “yes” to rest. This is how you actually put yourself first.
Your Own Worst Critic
Absolutely nobody benefits when you talk down on yourself in a private journal. It’s a total lose-lose situation. So why do it?
That’s a rhetorical question. The answer is obvious. For one, your inner child might not feel safe when anger, grief, or anxiety pops up. That aspect of you probably learned to “reign in” hard emotions with threats and shame. Second, it feels good to rant about problems. To be clear – your emotions are never the problem. It’s just really hard to know that in the moment.
Essentially, every time you talk bad about yourself, you’re trading an opportunity to build confidence for short-term emotional relief. And guess what? Sometimes we all need a little short-term emotional relief. So don’t go beating yourself up for beating yourself up.
Still, you know what choice is best for you in the long run. Self-trust means being trustworthy to yourself. That means speaking kindly about who you are and what you do.
Poor Internal Boundaries
That leads to the next point; you need better boundaries. And no, I don’t mean boundaries with other people. You need to secure your own internal boundaries.
For example, let’s say your usual boundary is “If people yell at me, I will walk away”. An internal boundary might be “If I start insulting myself, I will change focus to something relaxing”. Over time, you’ll notice how good it feels to respect the boundaries you set within yourself. You might even build confidence in setting bigger boundaries with others.
Journal Prompts to Build Confidence and Self-Trust
Now that you know some of the confidence pitfalls in journaling, it’s time to see some journal prompts that foster self-trust. Remember, these prompts can only take you so far. The real work is writing with compassion and following through with your intentions. I trust you can do this!
· What mask are you trying to present to the world? What is underneath that mask?
· Write about how you are doing for 5 minutes. Go back and see if you can call B.S. on anything you just wrote. Now, what is the truth?
· How can you take accountability for your unfinished goals? Remember to use self-compassion.
· What is the smallest next step you can take towards one of your goals? Make a deadline for yourself to make that step. Once finished, write about how it feels to follow through.
· Create a list of internal boundaries for your journal routine.
· What seems too scary to face right now?
· What has been triggering you the most lately? Why is this such a sore spot?
· How would you like to think about yourself? Create a list of evidence that supports this self-image.
· When did you first start being so critical of yourself? Why might you have started to think this way and what is different about your situation now?
